Recently, I was romantically involved with a man I enjoyed immensely. Little by little, I began to fear FEELING GOOD. I started to wonder, "This relationship feels amazing, what will I do when this ends?" So, as a way to control the issue I found a way that I would self sabotage the experience by rejecting him before he could reject me. He would tell me that he was falling in love with me and I would just blow it off and say to myself, "He can't be serious, this is just something he is saying to play me. Once I let my guard down and believe him then I will be vulnerable and he can hurt me. So, it's better that I just keep a little emotional distance so it won't hurt as much when it happens."
Later, in one of our conversations I told him that I was intentionally blocking myself from feeling his love and he was saddened. See, I have NO problem attracting a man into my life, but I have not yet sustained a healthy relationship. Shortly after, we had a discussion on self worth. He happens to be one of the most well read and practiced people in psychology. Once he realised that I was suffering from low self esteem he gave me a protocol to follow. It was funny, he was so matter of factly it reminded me of how a doctor would prescribe medication.
Do the following exercises daily:
Morning and night I am to write out and complete the following with 10 replies to each:
"If I trusted myself 5% more..."
"If I accepted myself 5% more..."
In addition, I am to attend The Landmark Forum and read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field by Nathaniel Branden.
I wasn't more than a page or so into the book before I started taking notes for my journal. By page 13 I was in tears. This book is EXACTLY what I needed. My self worth has been the ELEPHANT in the room that I was ignoring. I knew I was having issues with self esteem but I didn't realize how clearly I was sabotaging my efforts in health, career advancements, and romantic relationships.
The fact that I had an automatic expectation of rejection in my romantic endeavors is a huge red flag of self esteem.
Immediately, I identified with many of the signs of low self esteem such as:
- ignoring my intuition, and rationalizing poor habits
- being extreme and being hard on myself
- having a hard time admitting
- as soon as I made progress I would stop and act against the thing I know to be true
- having an automatic expectation of rejection
- seeing people as a source of approval or disapproval
- finding ways to end the relationship before my partner could reject me
- giving up, not following through to completion
- getting distracted or frustrated
- telling myself I didn't need to put out any content (value) since others were already doing it and talking about it. Who am I to do this? I am not inventing anything new, the information is out there for those who want it.
I look forward to giving a full review of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field and the Landmark Forum in the near future (before May) as well as sharing my results. If you have already attended the Landmark Forum or read this book I would love to hear how it has impacted you! In the meantime, I wanted to give you a heads up if you identified with anything I have mentioned above. No one deserves to feel this way, not even me! I would feel terrible if I withheld any information that empowered me in my life to anyone of my readers. We all deserve to feel good now and realize our dreams. I suggest that if you are not getting the results in your life that your truly want that you check out this book or follow the protocol that I currently am following.
I love you guys! :)