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Monday, February 15, 2010

Conquering Low Self Esteem

My Story
Recently, I was romantically involved with a man I enjoyed immensely. Little by little, I began to fear FEELING GOOD. I started to wonder, "This relationship feels amazing, what will I do when this ends?" So, as a way to control the issue I found a way that I would self sabotage the experience by rejecting him before he could reject me. He would tell me that he was falling in love with me and I would just blow it off and say to myself, "He can't be serious, this is just something he is saying to play me. Once I let my guard down and believe him then I will be vulnerable and he can hurt me. So, it's better that I just keep a little emotional distance so it won't hurt as much when it happens."

Later, in one of our conversations I told him that I was intentionally blocking myself from feeling his love and he was saddened. See, I have NO problem attracting a man into my life, but I have not yet sustained a healthy relationship. Shortly after, we had a discussion on self worth. He happens to be one of the most well read and practiced people in psychology. Once he realised that I was suffering from low self esteem he gave me a protocol to follow. It was funny, he was so matter of factly it reminded me of how a doctor would prescribe medication.

My Homework
Do the following exercises daily:

Morning and night I am to write out and complete the following with 10 replies to each:
"If I trusted myself 5% more..."
"If I accepted myself 5% more..."

In addition, I am to attend The Landmark Forum and read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field by Nathaniel Branden.

I wasn't more than a page or so into the book before I started taking notes for my journal. By page 13 I was in tears. This book is EXACTLY what I needed. My self worth has been the ELEPHANT in the room that I was ignoring. I knew I was having issues with self esteem but I didn't realize how clearly I was sabotaging my efforts in health, career advancements, and romantic relationships.

The fact that I had an automatic expectation of rejection in my romantic endeavors is a huge red flag of self esteem.

Immediately, I identified with many of the signs of low self esteem such as:


  • ignoring my intuition, and rationalizing poor habits
  • being extreme and being hard on myself
  • having a hard time admitting
  • as soon as I made progress I would stop and act against the thing I know to be true
  • having an automatic expectation of rejection
  • seeing people as a source of approval or disapproval
  • finding ways to end the relationship before my partner could reject me
  • giving up, not following through to completion
  • getting distracted or frustrated
  • telling myself I didn't need to put out any content (value) since others were already doing it and talking about it. Who am I to do this? I am not inventing anything new, the information is out there for those who want it.
I am still in the early phases of reading this book and doing the exercises. However, I can already feel the enthusiasm bubbling within me because I KNOW that this is my obstacle to tackle. This is what is keeping me from attaining what I know deep down I deserve to have. This is what I need within me to have quality of life.

I look forward to giving a full review of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field and the Landmark Forum in the near future (before May) as well as sharing my results. If you have already attended the Landmark Forum or read this book I would love to hear how it has impacted you! In the meantime, I wanted to give you a heads up if you identified with anything I have mentioned above. No one deserves to feel this way, not even me! I would feel terrible if I withheld any information that empowered me in my life to anyone of my readers. We all deserve to feel good now and realize our dreams. I suggest that if you are not getting the results in your life that your truly want that you check out this book or follow the protocol that I currently am following.

I love you guys! :)

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Macrobiotic Restaurant Review: M Cafe

Dhrumil, myself, Anita, and Ben all enjoyed our experience at M Cafe in Culver City, CA.

Restaurant: M Cafe
Type of Cuisine: Macrobiotic w/ vegan options
Location: 9343 Culver Blvd. Culver City, CA (map)
Contact: (310) 838-4300
Hours: Sun- Thur: 9am - 9pm, Fri & Sat: 9am- 10pm

There is parking available behind the building as well as metered parking on the street. I parked across the street with a strip of metered parking which was not required to pay parking after 6pm.

This was a bright, open, clean cafe where you walk up to the counter and place your order. Some of the dishes are already prepared and displayed in the front. You can choose to eat indoors or outdoors. We sat at the big picnic style table indoors since it was drizzly and cold outside.

There is not really a raw selection minus the salads which need to be special ordered to make totally raw. In the winter months I will eat more cooked food and if I am going to eat it this place was the right place to enjoy it. This menu is not vegan since fish is served, but there are several vegan dishes.

The staff behind the counter was very friendly. They even took our photo pictured above. The server joked about posing for the prom which we did, but there was no way I was going to post it! We stayed beyond the cafe hours, and the staff was really cool about it.

Our Order
Chai Mate Latte (w/ rice milk)
This was an interesting beverage, especially since I love chai, but it tasted far too dilluted for my tastes. I would have preferred a stronger chai flavor, but I love the mate latte concept. If I have it again I will definitely ask for more chai.

Scarlet Quinoa
The quinoa is red because of beet juice. It came out family style and we all took turns scooping a spoonful of the quinoa and then dipping it into the butternut squash soup. I tend to stay away from grains for the most part, but on occassion I will have them. This was a great way to have quinoa. I liked the veggies in it as well.

Spiced Butternut Bisque
I am really glad we had the soup considering butternut is my all time favorite soup. It was delicious, creamy and warm. It was served with pumpkin seeds on the top which gave a nice crunch, and as I mentioned before we all liked mixing this with the quinoa.

M Chopped Salad
This was suggested by the staff. It was made with organic hearts of romaine & mixed greens, avocado, cucumber, chickpeas herb-baked tofu, scallions, ume-pickled radishes, carrots, beets, tamari-roasted almonds, crumbled tempeh “bacon” , tofu-peppercorn ranch. I made some modifications to my salad. I changed the dressing to an avocado lemon viniagrette and passed on the tofu to make it a bit more appropriate for my needs since I prefer no soy.

The salad was huge and very filling. I could have easily shared it with someone. The large quinoa was enough for 4 people to share. The soup was an average sized portion.

Um, it is bad I really didn't pay much attention to this detail? BTW, thanks again Dhru for your generosity.

This is a place I would go to on a cold day or if I was with non raw friends. There are several vegan dishes so it helps keep things healthy without weirding out the raw-phobic people.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Family Memories on Ice