Over the weekend I spent alot of time with family. I have two sisters Amanda who is 5 years older than me and April who is 12 years younger than me. We had our girly chats and got to talking about dating.
Watching my older sister (who is also a single mom) get calls from her "potential" guy had me thinking about my romantic life. Or perhaps the lack thereof. I don't know what is up with me. Most of the time I don't even think about it. Now, I know I put out a couple of videos about dating as a single mother, but I just haven't felt driven to date since the last 2 videos.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I too comfortable? Am I too independent? Am I just in a rut? Why isn't romance really on my brain? Have I waited too long and lost the memories of what it feels like to be in love? Am I going to be single forever? Do I have a vision of a romantic partner?
My sister was asking me why I didn't date. I replied that I felt good focusing on my kids and raising them. I also expressed that I really wanted to create and generate multiple streams of passive income and have a wonderful financial system in place. Besides that, I do have some insecurities with my body. I know it is ridiculous, but it is something that I allow to keep me from saying yes to a date.
So, now I am at a point. Should I just keep doing my thing and work on my business and kids and leave dating out until I am more established? I really don't crave romance, or at least as much as I see others going for it. I feel like it is there whenever I want it, but do I feel worthy of it? Do I feel complete as I am? Or maybe I just haven't met the right guy? I dunno, but I definitely see a lack of romantic drive. Of course, every now and then it sounds good, but those thoughts are not predominant.
My sister seems to think that at this rate I'll be single forever. I don't like the sound of that. I am not sure if that is just social conditioning that makes me think there is something wrong with staying single or if it is a true deep down yearning for companionship.
I don't feel lonely. In fact I feel quite satisfied, but watching others go nuts over romance has me wondering if I am out of the loop. I am not yearning for connection. I feel like I enjoy lots of intimate and satisfying relationships.
What is my deal? Will the craving arise after my kids are grown, I rock my bikini body and I have a very secure financial life? Am I afraid and finding excuses to hide behind? Or have I just come to feel secure in who I am and the relationships that I have already that I feel complete? Or have I not fully accepted myself and until I do that no one will walk into my world?
Hmmm...... so I am at the point....to date or not to date? Why do I bounce between the both of them? Maybe nothing will happen until I make up my mind.
Just sharing some random thoughts. Share yours if you feel inclined. :)