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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Shifts in My Actions

Continuing on from Detoxing my Life....

So, now that I had a clear slate, it was time to fill up my life with the things that positively contributed to my well being. It's funny what you experience when you break down years of conditioning. I felt alive, on purpose and in love with life. The more I did what I said I would do, the more my self empowerment grew.

The Shift in My Thoughts
I felt inspired to write. I have always been a person who journals, but I felt an even stronger desire to write. It brought a sense of clarity. I found that I would often soothe my own concerns just by writing them down. I wrote about my new thoughts and my new direction in life. I felt that the world was mine to explore and anything was possible. I had many insightful experiences and I kept a notebook next to my bed to jot down what I felt compelled to write. I wrote so much that I filled several binders. To this day I wonder if I will ever publish them.

The Shift in My Awareness
I have a book called Power Vs Force. Before, I would never really be able to FEEL the highest levels of consciousness. I could read the description, but there was no connection with it. Then during one of my days in solitude I read the levels from lowest to highest. It took me through each emotion and when I read the enlightenment description I was swelling, I felt like I was going to burst. Tears of euphoria were streaming down my face and the closest description I can give that I felt at that time was like a drawn out orgasm.

The Shift in My Perception
I became very sensual. Life slowed down. I noticed everything! I utilized my senses and observed the weather, the plants, the smells, the feel of various textures, beautiful music and images. I remember feeling so lucky to be alive.

The Shift in my Diet
I experienced phases of fasting that went on over a period of 4-6 months. It was almost automatic, I didn't think about it. If the inspiration to do something arose, I did it immediately. My thought never entered the process. Purification felt effortless and a pleasure. I envisioned my body dumping any past baggage. I drank tons of herbal tea. Hydration was my focus. I wanted to keep my liver clean so my teas were mainly milk thistle and dandelion, as well as blends of herbs for detoxification. I made sure I was eliminating too so I drank salt water in the morning or I took an herbal laxative before bed. Looking back, I realize I drank about 2 gallons of liquid a day. I suppose that is why I was able to drop from weighing 119 to 108 in no time.

When I did eat, I consumed mostly fruits and veggies, some steamed and some raw. I was still eating a whole food diet versus vegetarian or anything like that in the beginning. My meals were large plates of veggies or a snack of a green drink and trail mix. When I ate I set the timer for 20 minutes and made sure I stretched out my meal to last that long. I became a very good eater. I chewed until the food was liquid. I looked closely at every bite, swirled the food in my mouth to feel the texture and taste the flavors of the food. I did everything I could to slow down my eating. I ate to remove hunger rather than to feel full. I reminded myself that my stomach was only the size of my fist and there was no need to stretch it out. I engaged in proper table etiquette and conversation with my children. I became an immaculate eater.

The Shift in My Sleep
During the times of extended fasting or very light eating I noticed that my sleep shifted to rest. I found that I was drawn to sleep under the moon and stars. Since I wasn't wanting to sleep outside in my backyard, I would open the blinds to my French doors of my bedroom and let the moonlight fill my room. I would gaze at the stars before falling asleep after purging all my gratitude in my journal. I would close my eyes. I then felt like my body was heavy and still like it was totally asleep, but I felt totally alert. I could see myself from above looking down on my body. It was almost as if I was watching myself sleep. I was totally aware of all that was going on around me. It was as if my subconscious was being a security guard for me. I no longer wanted to sleep on my side. I wanted my chest to be facing the sky. I just felt like my heart needed to face up. I slept very little, maybe 3 hours a night. This went on for months. My body felt totally rested even though before I slept about 9 hours a night. My rest changed back to sleep when my diet changed and I began to consume more calories.

I practiced full resting at least one day a week. I used this time to reflect on my week. I understood that doing less was more. No need in spinning my wheels without a direction. I wouldn't speak to anyone nor would I do anything very active.

The Shift in My Workouts
I took up an intense and regular power yoga practice. I attended Bryan Kest's 2 hour long power yoga class every Sunday. It was my "church". Since it was a drive for me, I would listen to inspirational books or seminars on CD. I thrived on the energy of the class. Sometimes, I would experience such gratitude in relaxation pose that I would be brought to tears. It was euphoria. I was caught off guard, but it felt beautiful. I learned about meditation, affirmations, mantras, and the pleasure of silence. This was heaven for me because I finally was learning how to break the addiction of thoughts and just be at peace.

Physical Touch
I also became diligent about receiving regular weekly massage. It filled that touch void that I was so addicted to in a romantic relationship. I have always been very physical my entire life, whether it was through gymnastics or other sports or through romantic encounters. So, being without a man for the first time in a long time was a huge shift. I swear receiving massages alone kept be from jumping into the sack with a man out of need for touch. I would get goosebumps every massage. I knew it was filling that need for me. I also found that I felt amazing after petting my cat or dog or cuddling with my kids more during bedtime stories. I learned I can enjoy touch without the sexual energy behind it. I hugged my friends more too.

The Shift in Relationships
I started treating myself the way I expected a man to treat me. I dated myself! If I wanted to do something, I did it alone. It was awkward at first to go to a movie or a restaurant alone, but after a while it felt amazing. I no longer needed someone to do nice things for me. I could do them for myself. That was transformational because in the past if a man didn't do them for me I went without.

I enjoyed conversations with men, but I was sure to leave it at that. I didn't want to be co-dependent or jump in the bed with anyone too soon, so I kept the sexual aspect out of it. Plus, I wasn't fully healed from the break up of my ex. I don't think he was either, because we continued to interact for over 7 months after our break up. It was a time for us to mend our wounds with each other so we could move on and have more to offer to our future partners.

I started treating everyone I encountered the same. In Santa Monica there would be lots of homeless people. I would smile at them and I felt like I could see into their soul.I saw through the exterior. I felt like I connected so deeply in a non verbal way. I noticed I no longer felt fearful of people or danger. I would speak kindly to everyone and treat them as though I was speaking to someone I held in high regard. I felt like treating people like royalty. I became a very generous person. I became very trusting and compassionate.

I woulds say over and over, " I am the highlight of someone else's day". I would be sure to dazzle others with kindness and generosity. I made it a point to be pleasant to every person I encountered, even if it was just a smile.

1 comment:

Jim Purdy said...

I just came across this old post of yours, in which you said:
"When I ate I set the timer for 20 minutes and made sure I stretched out my meal to last that long. ... I did everything I could to slow down my eating. I ate to remove hunger rather than to feel full. I reminded myself that my stomach was only the size of my fist and there was no need to stretch it out."

Instead of stretching the stomach. did you find out whether the reverse is true? In other words, if you always eat small meals, will the stomach eventually shrink? Sort of like do-it-yourself bariatric surgery, but without the surgery?